Friday, May 1, 2015

My Past Dysfunctional Relationship + My Passion for My Startup Baby & Adventure Getting There.

Today, I've been feeling a bit overwhelmed about my upcoming couch surfing adventure in the Bay Area, where I must leave the comfort of my own bed that I can hardly afford. Why? Because I believe so deeply in my quality dating app startup, and I need the hustle and lots of other founders to keep me up on my entrepreneurial game.

Anyways, I was thinking how effin' confused I am about what the next 3-months should entail, so I decided to make a pen-to-paper journal entry out of it. Instead, I came across an old journal entry from 2012 where I'm talking about the relationship I was in at the time. Holy crap. Reading that made me LOL. What the heck was younger Sonya thinking? I wish current Sonya could have read that entry when I had written it and told me to get my mental shit together and run for the hills from that dude. But hey, I feel even clearer about why I'm so passionate about my startup. Girls like myself need to find quality worthy men, and stop settling for shitty ones.

BLOG  - How to lose 20 lbs in 2 weeks - 2012:

Boyfriend #? However, boyfriend I really did picture spending my life with? Yes. Why? because I could be myself (for the most part), but style-wise, goofiness, height, music, intelligence, Buddhist stuff, animals, etc. He was not perfect. Not by any means. But when had I EVER dated someone who was perfect? I think, or I know that I've given up on the word "perfect", given up on the fairy tale relationship. But I was brainwashed to dream for that, so secretly I still want it.

Our relationship started out extremely rocky. He was brash, rude, a mean drunk, blue collar (in the way he acted), emotionally selfish, not classy, and majorly insecure. My friends said he seemed "rough around the edges", but I cold see that he was more than that. At least I wanted to. Did I really? After several bad dating experiences, a crazy ex-boyfriend (or what I considered to be a lapse in judgement), and 2 years of SF single life, maybe I was just ready to settle down. At this point I can't be too sure. I found a cool, tall, borderline hipster guy who is intelligent and has a professional job. Also he is someone who tracked me down and pursued me. "This has to work, it has to be meant to be!" Somewhat foolish thinking, but I was a wounded bird and I needed to be nursed back to health with a good "catch".

On our first date he was so rude to me, and said that "he only likes girls in short skirts (I was wearing jeans), and wants to bend a girl over in the bathroom". I decided to get drunk on his dime and slapped him in a moment that is quite blurry. Hearing that I, someone who has never done such a thing, slapped someone should say something right there. "Oh well, that should set him straight. He is just use to being single and doesn't know how to be nice." Maybe that was true at the time. It did seem to scare him out of saying those things to me again. However, our time together had a new label: dysfunction.

Skip ahead 10 months (unofficially) or 9 months official by facebook standards, I've made a big move and we're in a long distance relationship. Have things been "perfect" the last 9 months? No. But have I enjoyed our time together for the most part? Yes. I believe so. His insecure side has been a serious challenge though, but so have my unresolved issues with assault (fear, trust, guys, anxiety). We're both mildly fucked up - this could work! However, I've seriously fallen for this guy. The good times have been pretty darn good. The bad times have been draining and sad. We've gone through a lot of ups and downs, but I still feel it's worth it to continue to fight for it. Literally, "fight for it". I honestly can see us getting married and having kids. But right now things are really hard.

I went through a series of challenging events in a very short period of time (anxiety attacks, major car accident, getting canned) and decided that the move I wanted to make had to happen ASAP. SF just wasn't the place for me anymore. And drinking was making my life way harder than it needed to be (and way more expensive). In SF had some amazing friends and some surface friends, and I also had the overall "bubble" that it was known for. Most importantly, I had my rock - my cousin - who I moved up to SF because of. But those reasons weren't enough to keep me going in such a toxic place. I had to get out. Since we had made a plan to move down to San Diego together and had talked about it more indepthly post the crazy series of events, we decided to do it and become a happy family: me, him, and Duke.

I started looking for work. Three weeks later I got an amazing new job, a promotion (higher pay and higher title) in a super worthy advertising agency. Um yes, I'm a rockstar. But that part is a given.
He seemed to take the news well, and started fixing up his house like a madman. I went to Canada for 10 days with my Dad - a much needed get away and good quality time with one of my biggest cheerleaders. My trip was amazing and I'll remember it forever. Did I miss the bf? Yes, everyday. I even came back from the trip with high hopes for our further together. Not 100% sure, or even 60% sure. But by golly, I was sure in some sense of the word.

I come back to SF and it is a crazy whirlwind. I have to move to SD 5 days later. I haven't seen the bf for 10 days already. I now will only get to see him for 2 (with starting work the week I get back, moving the next weekend). I'm super happy to see him and things are going well. Until I catch him on gmail (the email platform I only used at the time on his computer) last logged in with his OKCupid account.
....So what, I go away for 10 days and he joins a dating site? I'm supposed to start my new job the next morning and live out of a suitcase until he moves in with me. WTF? After several upsetting emotionally draining days, we discuss it. He is so passive and childish in his responses that I practically call the whole thing off. But I don't. This is because he tells me (eventually) that he did it because of me. Something along the lines of not trusting me, signing up, seeing if I was on it, seeing that I wasn't, and deleting it in a drunken state. Is that true? I have no fucking clue. But I decide to believe it. At least I 80% convince myself he is telling the truth. My friends tell me he is full of shit and there is no way that is true.

He decides to be super helpful and helps me move down to SD, and then drops me (well not technically), but stops being the guy I loved so much and thought he was (...what was that exactly?). He is distant on the phone, unresponsive about apartments I've looked at, short, moody, etc. He eventually sells his house and then decides to really be mean and not return any of my calls, texts, and makes plans with other people in SF on Facebook instead. I hit my low one of those nights,  have to take an ativan, and call a crisis hotline. Not because I wasn't to off myself, but because I just really needed a third party to talk to. The next day the bf and I talk and of course I'm feeling very hurt. I feel like we resolve it and things are looking up again. Although I keep telling everyone that I will find a place for myself in case it doesn't work.

Push forward to the next day. We have a long talk and I feel better, even better than the night prior. 15 minutes after hanging up, he breaks up with me on Facebook. YUP FACEBOOK. Are you fucking kidding me? I hit rock bottom, call him several times, and he doesn't pick up. I get my cousin to call him and she gets him to answer his phone. (She later told me that she told him to "man the fuck up and answer his phone.") I break down like the weak bird I am and take off my strong facade. He tells me that that is what he has wanted all along. (He also tells me in a drunken slur that even if he did meet other girls out at bars while I'm down in SD, that he wouldn't be able to get it up anyways. Very reassuring, thanks dude.) We decide to get back together on that phone call, and now he is flying here in 2 hours.

Current problem:

I can't move past the Facebook cheap, cop out, total coward, bipolar move. Who does that? What respectable 27 year old male breaks up with a serious girlfriend of almost a year, who he's about to move in with, over Facebook?

Yet, am I over it? No.
Do I still want this? I don't know.

There's an obvious answer here, and if I were my friend and she was telling me this same story I would tell her to move on. Well, "it's not that easy".  I don't want to move on. Our good times are really good. They could make an amazing partnership. Bad times? Not good. Now we're 500 miles away and I just need to see him. I miss him. He either cares and actually wants this to work, or he doesn't. I'm scared to know. However, I love my job here. I love the weather. I'm about to put a deposit down on an apartment opening up in 1 month in my favorite SD hood. I'll have Duke back (who has been staying with the bf up in SF). It will be expensive, but I can do it. Do I want the bf there? Yes. But do I want to be the main person the lease? Yes.

My mind is cloudy. I'm tired and confused. Mildly anxious. I also don't want to live here by myself. My intent for this move was to escape the city and move forward with my bf in a new mellow city. Have a good life together. Not have this be a sole mission.

..."Girl and dog move to new city by themselves not knowing anyone..." Um, not quite.

_________

So yes, this redic journal entry makes me see a couple of things:
1. I can live out of a suitcase for a couple of months successfully by myself. I will now be doing that for the 3rd time in the last 4 years.
2. I have the hutzpah to get up and go to do stuff for me.
3. I had a really effin shitty ex boyfriend, and learned a ton about myself. Now I wouldn't accept any of that bullshit. It was an eye-opening learning experience.
4. I am sooo passionate about my startup baby b/c relationships are hard and I don't want other women to go through what I went through. We deserve a quality guy who doesn't pull this type of childish shit. We as women also need to be stronger and not let this type of stuff slide.
5. I'd rather be single than ever deal with a bf like this again. (I'm sure my startup baby will help tho).
6. I also really want to help guys not act like tards and understand women. I'm sure the ex couldn't understand what I was going through, and it helps to see both sides.

Sunday, April 12, 2015

I Shouldn't Read Biz Books Before Bed.

I have heard from one or two people in my day that reading business books before bed isn't the best. They said those books can get your brain going and it would be hard to sleep. However, I keep talking to my fellow entrepreneurs and they all said that they read biz books before bed and are fine. Well, I need time to read them and I feel unproductive having a huge stack on my windowsill of recommendations, but not the time to read them.

So I gave in. And, it didn't pay off.

I even read one of the books that is more light, funny, and airy. But still my brain was not pleased. Perhaps there was an influx of information that I didn't have time to process with my awake brain so my subconscious brain was going in overdrive. I literally awoke an hour later after having a massive stress dream feeling miserable. Now I'm awake sitting on my outdoor private balcony typing this blog wondering why I gave in. #TrashyTVItIsMovingForward

I tend to get the stressful first thought of the morning if my alarm doesn't wake me up first. Those are annoying, but manageable. Sometimes, they are for a good cause - I mean unnecessary to wake up totally stressed - but they light a fire under my ass to do something important. But still these first-thing-in-the-morning-stress-thoughts are soooo obnoxious. Affirmations can help though. I've found that as soon as the stress thought hits, I can override it with an affirmation.

So yea, I can't read things that make my brain work and process biz stuff before bed. It took this joyous experience to figure that out. Yay for me...maybe I'll become a babbling affirmation girl. But hey, being weird is nothing new for me.

Friday, March 27, 2015

Entrepreneurial Visionary Hustler Goes to Bootcamp.

I just returned from 7 weeks at Founders Space - an entrepreneurial accelerator program in the tech hub of San Francisco.


Think of it as bootcamp for entrepreneurs. Imagine founders, developers, investors and mentors all in one space, exchanging ideas and challenging one another. The end result has been a mix of inspiration, collaboration and several sleepless nights, turning dreams and ambitions into business projections and investor pitches.


Android Developer Amy Fan and I attended most of the program, with iOS Developer Wolfgang attending the last week and assisting in demo day. Each day was like a day in the School for Startups, with hands-on courses taught by business mentors from different backgrounds.


It wasn’t easy but it wasn’t supposed to be. We got grilled when our pitches fell short and when there were holes in our logic. But we came away stronger and more prepared than ever. And we made invaluable connections with other founders in the program that will fuel our successes to come.


Here are the top lessons we learned in order to be successful entrepreneurs:


  1. Working around fellow founders is mandatory to successfully execute a startup.
    1. It breeds creativity and an ongoing support system from other founders who understand our struggles. And at Founders Space, help was happily exchanged whether it was for a deck, pitch, financials, and even refining or expanding the company vision. I got to do the same for them.
  2. Learning from mentors one-on-one is gold.
    1. Having access to mentors is a luxury many entrepreneurs don’t have. But at Founders Space, having access to a network or mentors greatly helped us realize what we needed to work on and how to make it better. They are now connections that can help us moving forward.
  3. Numbers matter, memorize them.
    1. As a founder, I must have my financial projections memorized during pitching. I can speak about Neqtr even in my sleep. But when I’m standing in front of a room of people and start getting grilled about projections, there is no room for uncertainty. Those experiences built character, and now I’m totally on it.
  4. That being a good leader is key.
    1. It’s more than managing the team and coming up with good ideas. It’s ensuring everything is being properly executed. It’s also key to manage expectations and make sure they are clear in the beginning instead of being reactive. I want my team to feel supported, but I also trust them to take initiative to run with things if I can’t be there to give input.
  5. It takes a lot to be a founder and not everyone is cut out for it.
    1. Because of what I learned in the program, I’m more certain than ever that this is my calling. The hustle is on! Neqtr is totally unique and something people get behind. Being CEO may sound glamorous, but it’s difficult, unstable and comes with a ton of uncertainty.
  6. It’s ok to fail, but fail fast.
    1. As a founder you’re constantly reminded that only a small fraction of startups become successful. This doesn’t only pertain to big failures like the whole company going down, but little failures. I find it’s best if you’re going to fail, to fail fast and think of a new plan, especially around launch. For example, if you test out a marketing tactic, be ready to assess it and go onto the next tactic if your approach isn’t working. Be smart, but also be gutsy and take risks.
  7. I’m generally one of the only female tech founders in any given room.
    1. It’s becoming increasingly clear that more women need to join the tech world. I’m ok with being in the minority for the most part, but I also want to be taken seriously. I’ve achieved more than a lot of people in a short amount of time. I find that several men try and baby me or make condescending comments or even sexist feedback - sometimes in front of rooms of people. I have to let these things roll off my back. Women are joining this world, and you’ve got to keep up!

We’ve left the accelerator on a fast track - we improved our strategy and refined our pitch. We are thinking big, but chunking it down and celebrating little wins. Each week has milestones attached, and we all have to work hard and fast to achieve those milestones. It’s time to hustle and keep our chins up!

Thursday, March 26, 2015

My Feet Smell Rank.

I have a secret. A quite unpleasant one. But I feel the time has come to air my dirty laundry: my feet smell really bad. Now not always, but it's especially the case when I'm wearing my black flats. Holy shit, WTF? No seriously, how the hell do one's feet get so bad? It's effin awkward.

It's especially painful when I meet a new guy and things are starting to get steamy, and I happen to be wearing my black flats. So I've literally had to go to great lengths to prevent them from getting totally repulsed by my feet. I've asked for socks, and then placed the shoes outside of the door in the hopes that they won't realize that my feet smell like a rotted skunk carcass. Maybe it has worked, maybe not, but they don't dare say anything for whatever reason. Generally they just think that I'm asking for the socks because my hands and feet get so cold - possibly due to poor circulation.

It is also awkward when I'm on long car rides with people and it's cold outside, so they decide to turn the heat on. Well my feet are just loving that moist heated air and love to make the fact apparent that the sweaty vomit smell is wafting from my feet. Perhaps others in the car start to question whether it's in fact their own feet, because why would it be the innocent girl's in the back seat?

Today I was sitting at an outdoor cafe and my cousin said that she could smell my feet. Great, the LA air couldn't even mask those babies. But again, I was wearing my black flats. Those bastards!

I also walked up to a guy a week ago and I could smell his feet in a fully circulated room, so I realized that when I'm wearing those flats, people can probably smell my feet. Eek.

My feet sitch has actually made me stressed out because when I go to people's places I'm like...uh oh what if I need to take my shoes off? It's not happening, lets be clear.

I also make a point to air out my shoes. On my recent trip to SF I put my shoes outside on the window sill. I mean I don't want to smell them either!

I've found this foot smelling situation to be really really embarrassing. I'm really not sure if it really is that embarrassing, but it sure as hell feels that way to me.

So I decided to write a blog about it.

I'm assuming the next question is: so why do you still wear black flats? Good question. Because they work with everything. I'm starting to think that I need 5 pairs to rotate throughout the week and air them out in between. But do I really have the $$ to invest in 5 pairs right now? Definitely not.

I also know I'm not the only one who has this problem with their black flats. But still, it's gross. My feet gross me out, and I'm sick of making excuses about it.

Now ya'll know. Better hope we're not hanging out when I'm wearing my black flats. Just sayin!

Sunday, February 22, 2015

Roller Skating: A Metaphor for My Entrepreneurial Life.

I just awoke from an intense dream about roller skating. It was quite odd being that I haven't roller skated in years, probably not since I was a little girl going to the roller rink for birthday parties. I don't usually remember my dreams either, because I generally wake up somewhat stressed out about stuff I need to do that wasn't at the forefront of my mind the day prior. Perhaps I remembered this dream because my Dad crashed at my place last night and I felt a sense of comfort with him there being that I'm in my new home for my six week stay up here in SF. I feel compelled to blog about it because it really does say a lot about me and where I'm at in my life.

Here is the dream:

I'm roller skating with a big group of people but at first I'm very afraid. I know that an obstacle "competition" of sorts is coming up and I know it involves big hills. I've never skated down a big hill and the thought terrifies me. However, once the day comes up I decide to go with everyone anyways. I'm skating along and the big hill comes up. Even though I'm terrified to go down it, I decide to try it anyways. (I was afraid to do it on a bike, and I realized it's fun) I get in a somewhat skaters squat position and then start gliding down the hill with the wind softly blowing through my hair and perfectly warm air on my face. It feels amazing. I'm also in the lead. Even as I'm gliding down the hill, I'm thinking to myself that I'm still a bit scared or that I "should" be extremely scared, but how totally awesome it feels to do it anyways. In fact I love it. I'm feeling extremely proud of myself for conquering a fear, and realizing that I can do scary things - and that they might actually be things that I will end up loving. Another part of the obstacle comes up which is a big twisty slide that drops you into the ocean and then back onto the path - the thought of this again seems terrifying. Since I'm on a "roll"(I couldn't help myself with that pun joke), I decide to go down the slide. However, halfway down I realize that I'm way too afraid to plunge into the deep dark possibly even rockied waters (might there even be big waves crashing, and will I drown?) so I majorly freak out and safely get myself back to the shore where I chicken out from the rest of the competition. The shore feels safe, but I want more. I want to go the rest of the way and feel that wind brushing through my hair again and to show the rest of the group that I can keep up or even do it better. But I can't get past the thought of having to plunge into the deep dark abyss not knowing if I will survive. I do feel pretty bad about the whole thing. I'm still considering what I should do when a guy and his friend come up to the shore (they showed up late for the competition, and somehow the shore is back at the beginning of the course). They talk to me for a second and I explain that I don't want to go further. One of the guys (he just happens to work with me at my coworking space in real life and in the dream) offers to opt out of the competition altogether seeming to be above the whole thing anyways, and says he will walk me back to my room with his friend. On the walk back, he holds my hand, which throws me off. Yet I think he is really attractive and have always wondered about him, so I go with it. In fact I try and show my added interest by rearranging our hand holding position to something more solid. I feel butterflies and start to leave my worries about the slide and the deep dark ocean behind. It feels safe to me. It feels like something familiar. I sort of feel like I'm settling by not finishing the course, but it takes my mind away from my fears and what I left behind. I wonder if I'm ok with that. I'm not sure that I am. But I try and push past my feelings of loss by focusing on this budding new thing with a guy I feel a sense of comfort with. When I get back to my room I realize that I had videotaped (on my iphone) the whole rollerskating bit of me gliding down the hill and then freaking out down the slide. Even though I don't like thinking about the deep dark water, I decide to watch the video and feel a strange comfort in knowing that I can watch it over and over to critique myself and decide how to do it better next time. Although when the part comes up of myself going down the slide in those skates, it makes me feel really uncomfortable watching myself totally 100% freak out with a look of pure terror on my face and body language going down that slide. I wonder if it seems a little over the top and see that it might be a bit of a silly reaction.

So what does that mean? Well, it definitely symbolizes life. It was incredibly detailed with my thoughts and feelings throughout the entirety of the dream. One thing is for sure, the timing of the dream couldn't be more perfect. I'm about to start a 4-week accelerator program for my startup that I quit my day job and moved up to SF for (for 6 weeks). I'm literally taking the plunge for my startup baby, and there is a lot of uncertainty involved. The accelerator starts tomorrow morning, and it feels like the first day of school all over again. Except this time it's for this vision that I've turned into a reality with a strong team backing it. Yet I'm ultimately the one in control of it's fate and they are counting on me to make it big.
During my stay here so far, I've reconnected with a guy that I feel very safe with and that I've known for a long time - since we met in college. It feels really good being around him, almost enough where I could just do that. However, the thought of blowing off my startup to hangout with him feels awful. I want to spend time with him and see if we could make it work, but I have to keep reminding myself that I'm up here for the startup and that's definitely a major distraction that I'm now realizing is a test from the universe (thank you dream). The times I have taken long breaks from my startup to hang out with him, I end up feeling worse, like a zombie, because I'm not keeping my eye on the prize. This seems a bit overboard being that CEOs of startups should be allowed to date too...but maybe I need to just do me until I get the company where I envision it going. But it definitely feels safe being with him. And yes, he is a distraction for my brain. First realization: distracting myself with a guy might feel nice but I will ultimately regret not putting my all into what I need to do to be successful. 
The dream also symbolizes my life in general. I've become a lot more confident since embarking on this startup voyage. I've realized that even though the thought of public speaking scares me, once I'm up there talking about my startup, I absolutely love it. I love being in front of people, and I love showing my passion for my company. I now almost crave public speaking, which I never thought I could ever feel. So that's like going down the big scary hill on skates perfecting my stance (perfecting my pitch) and realizing I love it. 
However, parts of the startup world still scare me. There is a lot of uncertainty. Sometimes I wonder if it's real or if it's all been a dream. Will I wake up and realize that my startup was just a figment of my imagination? Would I feel safe with that or would I hate that because I have to go back to working a day job I dread and never really knowing what true happiness feels like? I know it would be the latter. So that's why some of my procrastinations are not paying off. As well as taking breaks to do nothing with someone that gives me butterflies. It's not getting me closer to my goal. Although this is not healthy. I need to find a good balance of work and play. But I need to work harder and get focused on the things that are most difficult and then add a window of play. I should really take my Dad's advice here with knocking out the things that seem most difficult in the morning and then I can have a window of play in the evening.

So yea, the dream actually really helped me and that help was free. I guess I'm a little nervous for "my first day of school" tomorrow, because I don't know if it will really help or if I came up here for nothing, or if it will tremendously help things move forward. I just don't know - it's uncertain at this point. But I will find out and make the best of it. That, I know I can do really well.

Thursday, February 12, 2015

Taking the Plunge with Neqtr.

I quit my day job, and I’m embarking on an adventure. I’m not sure what is in store or what to expect, but I’m taking the plunge. I feel good about it, albeit a bit nervous. I started my day out today pitching my “baby” for a room of 50, meeting with a new advisor, and now on the plane heading to my new home for 6 weeks.

I’ve never been like everyone else. I stood out from the crowd and always dared to be different, whether it came in my fashion sense, blunt tongue, personal choices, or upbringing even. I’m not the timid little mouse most guys want in a girl, in fact many of them simply can’t deal with me. Many say they are intimidated of me, which is both a compliment and an insult. My parents know I’m feisty as all hell, but in that they can see my determination. I don’t back down easily, and I hate giving up. I also don’t like failing, but I know that I’ve learned some of my greatest lessons in my failures to date. One of the biggest recent takeaways is that I just need to do me for a while, because doing me brings success. Trying to be like everyone else and letting others hold me back wasn’t getting me anywhere good. Going along as a sheep and doing what everyone else was doing was also sure as hell not making me happy, so I abandoned all that BS to own my shit and as my cousin and I say, “be my own unicorn.”

I’m now the brainchild behind Neqtr, which is a philanthropic dating app. I’m incredibly passionate about it because it won’t only help a lot of people, start a movement of likeminded badass QUALITY folks, and help nonprofits make a bigger impact in each community, it will also disrupt the current dating model.

I like disrupting trends that I think could be a lot better. For example, in high school I stepped into a small town school decked out in my punk rock threads which included bright pink fuzzy leopard pants and studs, and started an all girl punk band. I also joined an all male hand drumming group, because why the fuck not? Then I thought, why stop there? I also want to be a cheerleader and I’m not going to choose between the cliques. I’m going to do both. So I did. Pink hair and all, playing punk shows at divey venues after football games. This step helped my creative brainy music skater friends become friends with my cheer friends, and they are still friends to this day. I ended up not liking the whole cheer thing, but hey I tried it because I wanted to. Fuck limiting beliefs, you can do it all.

Now, apparently it’s very hard for women in the tech world. Another part of the system that I think could be majorly improved. Word on the street is that us gals get less respect and there are these glass ceilings that make it difficult to succeed. Ya know what I think about that? You guessed it, I don’t give a fuck. I’m going to do it anyways, because Neqtr has real potential and I’m not going to “let the man get me down.” In fact, I find hustling is the best tactic, because at the end of the day, I’m hustling for good to help a lot of people.

It’s also a common theme that I walk into tech networking events, and I’m in the 2% of females in the room. I like to be fashionable and make a statement, and I refuse to dress like a man to get the respect of a man. And, yea, I’ve received many back handed compliments that went about like this… “Wow you’re not only really beautiful, but, wow, you’re also really intelligent.” Well no fucking shit. I know crazy, girls having beauty AND brains. We exist. Then these guys suddenly want to meet to “talk business” aka see if they have a chance to hookup with me. All the while being oblivious in the fact that I’m starting a dating app that goes against the hookup model to help people meet quality partners in quality environments right? Why the hell would I want to have a casual hookup with you? It’s funny, it really is. Dark comedy some days, other days I just laugh. I’m learning to slowly but surely put my foot in my mouth and not take things so personally or react. I plan on mastering this skill, at least in business.

But no, not all guys are like this. Lately I’ve been meeting some gems. The more I get out there and present, the more I meet men that are feminists even if they would never admit that. It’s hot, and I appreciate that kind of support and guidance.

I’ve also come to realize lately that I actually love presenting about Neqtr. I finally found something I really want to talk about, in fact, I’d love to scream it from the roof tops. People respond well, and want to get on board. Cool, don’t mind if you do.


As I mentioned above, I’m embarking on an adventure to SF and will document my trip both through blogging and vlogging. I want others to know they can do this too and how effin worth it is. Go be your own unicorn. Go live a little. And change the world.

Saturday, January 31, 2015

I Turned Down a VH1 Reality Show to Save the World.

Ya know those times you down a VH1 reality show?

Yea, I didn't know what that was like either, until it happened this week.

It sounded quite intriguing, and yes getting the offer to be on it was pretty cool. However, it just was the like the worst possible timing ever. Plus after reading through the 33 page contract, I realized that the HUGE MASSIVE RISK TO MY PERSONAL BRAND was not quite worth it right around the launch of my new startup. Plus can the CEO of her startup, really just bail for 30 days to do a VH1 reality show? Not so much. If I had received this offer even a year ago, I would've considered it. I mean why not right? It also overlapped to an effin' T this tech accelerator program my company got into in SF. Like literally, to the T. Down to the final meeting with the casting director at the same time as my flight to SF departing.

....tricky timing universe. Testing me much?

I tried to keep this enticing opportunity on the DL for a couple of weeks, however, once I received the final paperwork I brought it up to a couple of folks. The resulting response was that it was totally rad, however, it could majorly tarnish my image and possibly even hurt my new app. Why? Because my app helps people fall in love while saving the world. This show could make me look like a total shmuck+bitch+idiot+the list goes on and on, and not like the humanitarian I really am. They spell out how they are allowed to portray you however best they see fit. Plus the cast of characters on previous seasons were a little...different from myself. Conflicts could possibly arise. I'm not going to lie, I don't always keep my mouth shut, so from above, total bitch could be my new portrait.

So I turned it down. I'd rather make and keep awesome partnerships with nonprofits in each city, then burn bridges.

But hey, it's pretty cool to be in communication with VH1 right? I can check that off my bucket list...even though that wasn't on it.